Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
