the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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