She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
tell me about the fingering
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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