do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
