Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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