He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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