My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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