I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
