Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
