i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
