It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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