Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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