remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
