I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Operation Purity has been aborted
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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