I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
