i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
time to smoke my breakfast
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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