i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
