Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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