Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize