Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
