I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
