I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
