he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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