dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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