last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
