I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
