I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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