Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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