I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
