To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
