If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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