I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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