i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
