Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
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