Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
