some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
