we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
