I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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