and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
