Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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