D3 body, D1 cock
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
