I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
