i don't like sucking hair
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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