After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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