I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
