after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
