Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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