Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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