I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Found your dick twin last night
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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