yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
