Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
