just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
