How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
