Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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