This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
its liver damage thursday
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize