with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize
