my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
