I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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