Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
