you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
