this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
