that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
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