u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
