a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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