I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
