my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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