I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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