He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
