my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
