you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
In other news, I just burned my penis
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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