peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
