a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
