Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
