I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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